Perks of being married to a Woman
There are many reasons why being married to a woman is good enough for me, and in some ways better or easier for me than being with a guy.
Jealousy. Maybe this is unique to my wife and I but as this is about me and what works for me, it certainly is applicable: neither of us is jealous of friendships that either of us has for either gender. In addition, if one of us likes and is friends with a guy or a girl, the other is as well. I suppose this isn’t entirely true—there have been a time or two that I’ve been jealous of Wrylon talking to another guy…when he was paying more attention to her than he was to me.
No competition. My attractions to men do not cause Wrylon the worry it would if I were attracted to women. She doesn’t have the right parts and so there is no pressure on her to try to compete for my attention in that area.
Sexual attraction. This may seem counter intuitive but there are several factors in this area that make it easier for us. Sexual attraction is fickle and changeable. It varies by mood and physiological aspects such as hormone levels, stress, and emotional state, to name a few. My desire to be sexually intimate with Wrylon is not based on a drive to satisfy some personal need, but is almost entirely based on the fact that I love her and want to be intimately close to her. I want to share my whole self with her and therefore it is much easier to be selfless and to put her first.
No comparison. I find that I am attracted to physical attributes in men that make me feel better about myself. This feels good emotionally and in that way satiates the attraction. But the inverse is true as well: aspects of a guy that remind me of my own insecurities just seem to magnify those insecurities. It’s harder to get over and it’s a significant turn off (see Sexual attraction).
High expectations. I have pretty demanding expectations of what I look for in a man. I secretly want nothing short of perfection. I would try to fix him and expect him to change to be the man that I have created in my mind. I definitely have the potential to be a moody, controlling [w]itch. I just don’t do this with Wrylon. Not sure why, but possibly it’s because we were…
Friends first. I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a close straight friend who was having little luck finding a girl to marry. My advice was find a girl that you can be friends with. He replied that was problematic for him—once a girl leaves the “date” category and moves into the “friend” category, it’s hard to get her back out of that. I was surprised at that because Wrylon was and is first and foremost my best friend. “Would you rather be married to someone who was your best friend or to someone who was primarily interested in some physical aspect of you?” I asked Wrylon. No brainer for her.
Variety. I love having a woman in my life. I love the richness that it brings to our home. I’m still working on what exactly that richness is, but it is there. There is something special and unique about each men and women. It’s just nice having that balance.
Progeny. This is a big one for me. There is something about having children to carry on after you, your own children. Not being able to have children, for whatever reason, is lonely. I know several people of all orientations, married and single, that have to deal with this. This is not unique to same-gender relationships and while adoption works and is a viable solution it is a wonderful gift from God to be able to have your own children.
Beliefs. My life is in harmony with my beliefs and religions convictions. I believe in marriage between a man and a woman and I believe in eternal families. I don’t have to stress about that in direct relation to me and my partner. This is one of the challenges of being same-gender attracted in a strict religious system. My religious beliefs feel, to me, as deeply entrenched as my sexuality. I have to make a sacrifice in one area or the other, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (see Joshua 24:15). It’s never let me down.
Jealousy. Maybe this is unique to my wife and I but as this is about me and what works for me, it certainly is applicable: neither of us is jealous of friendships that either of us has for either gender. In addition, if one of us likes and is friends with a guy or a girl, the other is as well. I suppose this isn’t entirely true—there have been a time or two that I’ve been jealous of Wrylon talking to another guy…when he was paying more attention to her than he was to me.
No competition. My attractions to men do not cause Wrylon the worry it would if I were attracted to women. She doesn’t have the right parts and so there is no pressure on her to try to compete for my attention in that area.
Sexual attraction. This may seem counter intuitive but there are several factors in this area that make it easier for us. Sexual attraction is fickle and changeable. It varies by mood and physiological aspects such as hormone levels, stress, and emotional state, to name a few. My desire to be sexually intimate with Wrylon is not based on a drive to satisfy some personal need, but is almost entirely based on the fact that I love her and want to be intimately close to her. I want to share my whole self with her and therefore it is much easier to be selfless and to put her first.
No comparison. I find that I am attracted to physical attributes in men that make me feel better about myself. This feels good emotionally and in that way satiates the attraction. But the inverse is true as well: aspects of a guy that remind me of my own insecurities just seem to magnify those insecurities. It’s harder to get over and it’s a significant turn off (see Sexual attraction).
High expectations. I have pretty demanding expectations of what I look for in a man. I secretly want nothing short of perfection. I would try to fix him and expect him to change to be the man that I have created in my mind. I definitely have the potential to be a moody, controlling [w]itch. I just don’t do this with Wrylon. Not sure why, but possibly it’s because we were…
Friends first. I’m reminded of a conversation I had with a close straight friend who was having little luck finding a girl to marry. My advice was find a girl that you can be friends with. He replied that was problematic for him—once a girl leaves the “date” category and moves into the “friend” category, it’s hard to get her back out of that. I was surprised at that because Wrylon was and is first and foremost my best friend. “Would you rather be married to someone who was your best friend or to someone who was primarily interested in some physical aspect of you?” I asked Wrylon. No brainer for her.
Variety. I love having a woman in my life. I love the richness that it brings to our home. I’m still working on what exactly that richness is, but it is there. There is something special and unique about each men and women. It’s just nice having that balance.
Progeny. This is a big one for me. There is something about having children to carry on after you, your own children. Not being able to have children, for whatever reason, is lonely. I know several people of all orientations, married and single, that have to deal with this. This is not unique to same-gender relationships and while adoption works and is a viable solution it is a wonderful gift from God to be able to have your own children.
Beliefs. My life is in harmony with my beliefs and religions convictions. I believe in marriage between a man and a woman and I believe in eternal families. I don’t have to stress about that in direct relation to me and my partner. This is one of the challenges of being same-gender attracted in a strict religious system. My religious beliefs feel, to me, as deeply entrenched as my sexuality. I have to make a sacrifice in one area or the other, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord. (see Joshua 24:15). It’s never let me down.
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