Finding Strength of Will

There are many reasons why being married to a woman is good enough for me, and in some ways better or easier for me than being with a guy. Jealousy .  Maybe this is unique to my wife and I but as this is about me and what works for me, it certainly is applicable:  neither of us is jealous of friendships that either of us has for either gender.  In addition, if one of us likes and is friends with a guy or a girl, the other is as well.  I suppose this isn’t entirely true — there have been a time or two that I’ve been jealous of Wrylon talking to another guy…when he was paying more attention to her than he was to me. No competition .  My attractions to men do not cause Wrylon the worry it would if I were attracted to women.  She doesn’t have the right parts and so there is no pressure on her to try to compete for my attention in that area. Sexual attraction .  This may seem counter intuitive but there are several factors in this area that m...

So far this has been the story of my journey.  A lot of it has been about the confusion and the questions I've had as well as lots of other heavy stuff.  This is about lighter things, still part of my journey, but a very different part.  I wanted to include some of the reasons why I look forward to each day.   My children never cease to amaze me.  I continually learn from them, even when I think it's me that is supposed to be teaching them. Several days ago I got in an argument with my oldest son.  After asking him to stop spraying the other kids with water, I finally sent him inside with an extra chore to do.  He stormed off to his room and we then yelled at each other for a bit.  He was upset that I hadn't reminded him that I didn't want him spraying everyone.  Feeling like I needed to give him some direction, I held my ground and informed him that no one else in life is responsible for his actions except him and that he needed to go ...

Got an email from a friend this week and I wasn’t sure how to reply. You’d think it would be easy. Something simple would suffice, like: “I wish I were there to go with you. Sounds like a lot of fun.” But for some reason I found it difficult to say even that. Here’s why. We’ve been friends for a long time now. Since our first teenage years. We were friends by nature of a mutual friend first, but over time our own friendship grew. He was quiet and reserved, introverted. He like to have things just so. His room was always in order and he paid attention to the details but without getting bogged down by them. He seemed to know what he liked and what he didn’t like without much hesitation. All quite different from me. My room would go through fitful bouts of cleanliness and disarray. My likes and dislikes related much more directly to my mood rather than to any empirical method of elimination of less appealing options. Even my favorite color varied from day to day. He and...

I found myself in the kitchen, surrounded by the familiar complexity (nice way of saying mess) of family life, doing a reality check.  More of a sanity check, actually.  Was I really going to do it?  I rolled it around in my mind, letting it seep into the cracks.  So much change in such a short time.  Maybe it was because -- nope, wasn’t the gay part.  That felt pretty comfortable now.  My wife and I even laugh about it.  Haven’t told the kids yet, but the oldest isn't even into puberty yet.  Wow -- had to laugh at how comfortable I am referring to myself as gay.  It’s the blogging part that I can’t believe.  I’ve told a lot of people lately -- but I don't think that counts. They’re almost all in the same boat.  LDS, attracted to their same gender, some even in mixed orientation marriages like myself.  But that’s a lot different than posting on the internet.  Yet does feel right. Maybe I'm just getting comfortable a...