Finding Strength of Will

There are many reasons why being married to a woman is good enough for me, and in some ways better or easier for me than being with a guy. Jealousy .  Maybe this is unique to my wife and I but as this is about me and what works for me, it certainly is applicable:  neither of us is jealous of friendships that either of us has for either gender.  In addition, if one of us likes and is friends with a guy or a girl, the other is as well.  I suppose this isn’t entirely true — there have been a time or two that I’ve been jealous of Wrylon talking to another guy…when he was paying more attention to her than he was to me. No competition .  My attractions to men do not cause Wrylon the worry it would if I were attracted to women.  She doesn’t have the right parts and so there is no pressure on her to try to compete for my attention in that area. Sexual attraction .  This may seem counter intuitive but there are several factors in this area that m...

Why do we call Lucas gay? There are lots of terms used for those that are same-sex attracted, same-gender attracted, gay, queer, just a man, a child of God, homo, homosexual, etc. Why do we chose the term gay? We did it on purpose and we do it more on purpose now, than we even did when we first started using it. We used it to begin with because it was a term we understood. It was a turning point in our lives and using the word we understood, signified that. We knew Lucas was SSA but it didn’t mean the same thing. That was something he and I wanted him to overcome and something I definitely didn’t understand, though he didn’t either.  Gay is a term we understood and it was different than SSA, in our eyes, and it was something we no longer wanted him to overcome but something to help him grow, and learn, and become more than who he was. SSA was a weakness, gay was something that we saw could become a strength. I know that seems odd to many, but I really believe there are SO ...

I’m writing this in hopes that it will help clear my mind and because I need to do something.  I need to act, more than I have.  I just spent some time sobbing on my bathroom floor as frustration and a mess of other emotions overwhelmed me.  I just listened to Elder Oaks’ talk on where God wants me to stand on the topic of Gay Marriage.  And I believe all that he said.  I truly do.  I have already thought through and lived with the bulk of his statements.  I am a gay man, married to a woman, with children of my own.  I have seen the blessings of being married to a woman and I will affirm the importance of it to anyone who asks with no proof other than what I have experienced in my own life.  But it is still a challenge, sometimes a daily challenge to wade through the complexities of living as a man who is sexually attracted to men instead of women.  At times I feel as if I am single handedly sparing with generations of social stigmas a...

I suppose by making public some of what is commonly reserved as personal that we are inviting criticism, and I'm OK with that.  But what astounds me is the certainty which many people seem to have that I and my wife are making the wrong decision.  Is it too simple to believe that we could really have found our soul mate, the peson that we want to spend our life with, in spite of our differences? Because it is that simple.  My wife and I have chosen to make a go at this life together.  We hold sacred the importance of family.  We believe that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  We feel that the best chance we have is to face this side-by-side, as partners, best-friends, lovers, and equals.  We believe in true love.  We believe in God and that He is our support.  We believe that we are not just as we are now and will always be so -- we believe that we are meant to constantly try to improve ourselves, and that it is possible to ...

Edited and updated. I've always tried to portray a very positive attitude when writing about my husband being SSA. For the most part that is very accurate. There are hard things too. The longer we are it though the more I realize that all marriages are just as hard.  We all have trials that we go through to make us stronger and ours is no different.  I think as long as a SSA person has learned to have healthy relationships with their same gender and they keep strong in their marriage then it is no different than being in a “normal” marriage which also will always have its issues too. As Will has grown emotionally he has taken more notice of people and their reactions/actions to people around them and now understands them better too.   He has noticed that some guys he is around, really like being around girls. Yes, obviously, but let me explain more.  He and a good straight guy friend, who both enjoy each other’s company, will be talking alone. A gal wil...

Here is a, well, lengthy, introduction that I wrote about myself and our story that I needed to write out for something I was doing: My name is Azalea and I think I have a much different perspective.   I LOVE being in a mixed orientation marriage.   Will and I met while going to school and shortly after meeting got engaged.     It was just,   right.   After being engaged a few months and getting to know each other a little better, he told me about his SSA.   It really didn’t mean much to either of us.   SSA was this odd thing he struggled with.   He struggled a little off and on with some things but I for the most part didn’t know about it and I really didn’t know of much effect it had on our marriage.   Looking back Will knows that it did have some effect but thankfully he was really blessed and protected.   Fast forward over a decade to June of this year.     A friend posted on Facebook a link to Josh Weeds c...

I wrote this post two weeks ago, as you will see at the bottom.   I’m actually glad I didn’t post before as it gave me two weeks to put everything in a better perspective. Will has always been gay or attracted to men.   Since he was 8, he knew he was different.   Then, I assume, sometime a few years later he realized he was SSA (Same Sex Attracted).   He had a goal in mind though; he was going to go on a mission, he was going to get married, he was going to have a family, and he was NOT going to be gay.   Though that did get him where he wanted to be, and we think that the goal to not be gay was a good thing for our journey, the time comes when you have to be honest with yourself or you might explode!   :) When Josh Weed came out (you can read our story about that here ) it allowed Will to be OK with being gay.   That means he isn’t squashing those feeling anymore.   And if he isn’t squashing those feelings, that means he is having them. ...

I am Azalea, Will’s wife. He is gay and I am the opposite.  I LOVE guys!  LOL  He was worried I would be uncomfortable at a North Star Fireside which was mostly all (SSA/gay) men.  Really?  You do know me, right?  A place where there are mostly men and for that matter kind, sensitive, caring men?  Sounds like heaven to me! So in the last few months my husband Will has embraced the fact that he is gay.  He is becoming a different person and it is so fun!  Our marriage is very solid and we are best friends.  I think that is what makes this all work so well. I love that my Will can see the big picture. He, much like Josh Weed, knew he wanted to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he knew he wanted to marry in the Temple and he knew he wanted to have a family and he knew that he wanted to remain a faithful Latter-day Saint. This is one of the reasons he was not going to be gay. Well, it gets to the poin...