Finding Strength of Will

Here is my blog post for ldslights.org. I sat down to type one thing but as I typed this is what I ended up with instead. It is a bit of a tribute to a friend whose funeral we attended yesterday. Written January 11th, 2015 by Wrylon The above picture is a picture of our family’s feet, from years ago. Today we attended the funeral of a friend. When things like this happen it makes us look at our own lives. How am I living? What influence am I showing? The woman today left an influence all around the country and especially among her family, friends and acquaintances. As she was sick over the last few months, friends went to be with her and comfort her, but it ended up the other way around. Those that visited her left feeling comforted. What good I am doing in the world? The words to the song “Because I Have Been Given Much” by Grace Noll Crowell come to mind, the beginning and the 3 rd  verse. Because I have been given much I too must give. …. Because I have been blessed ...

There are many reasons why being married to a woman is good enough for me, and in some ways better or easier for me than being with a guy. Jealousy .  Maybe this is unique to my wife and I but as this is about me and what works for me, it certainly is applicable:  neither of us is jealous of friendships that either of us has for either gender.  In addition, if one of us likes and is friends with a guy or a girl, the other is as well.  I suppose this isn’t entirely true — there have been a time or two that I’ve been jealous of Wrylon talking to another guy…when he was paying more attention to her than he was to me. No competition .  My attractions to men do not cause Wrylon the worry it would if I were attracted to women.  She doesn’t have the right parts and so there is no pressure on her to try to compete for my attention in that area. Sexual attraction .  This may seem counter intuitive but there are several factors in this area that m...

Why do we call Lucas gay? There are lots of terms used for those that are same-sex attracted, same-gender attracted, gay, queer, just a man, a child of God, homo, homosexual, etc. Why do we chose the term gay? We did it on purpose and we do it more on purpose now, than we even did when we first started using it. We used it to begin with because it was a term we understood. It was a turning point in our lives and using the word we understood, signified that. We knew Lucas was SSA but it didn’t mean the same thing. That was something he and I wanted him to overcome and something I definitely didn’t understand, though he didn’t either.  Gay is a term we understood and it was different than SSA, in our eyes, and it was something we no longer wanted him to overcome but something to help him grow, and learn, and become more than who he was. SSA was a weakness, gay was something that we saw could become a strength. I know that seems odd to many, but I really believe there are SO ...

So far this has been the story of my journey.  A lot of it has been about the confusion and the questions I've had as well as lots of other heavy stuff.  This is about lighter things, still part of my journey, but a very different part.  I wanted to include some of the reasons why I look forward to each day.   My children never cease to amaze me.  I continually learn from them, even when I think it's me that is supposed to be teaching them. Several days ago I got in an argument with my oldest son.  After asking him to stop spraying the other kids with water, I finally sent him inside with an extra chore to do.  He stormed off to his room and we then yelled at each other for a bit.  He was upset that I hadn't reminded him that I didn't want him spraying everyone.  Feeling like I needed to give him some direction, I held my ground and informed him that no one else in life is responsible for his actions except him and that he needed to go ...

Got an email from a friend this week and I wasn’t sure how to reply. You’d think it would be easy. Something simple would suffice, like: “I wish I were there to go with you. Sounds like a lot of fun.” But for some reason I found it difficult to say even that. Here’s why. We’ve been friends for a long time now. Since our first teenage years. We were friends by nature of a mutual friend first, but over time our own friendship grew. He was quiet and reserved, introverted. He like to have things just so. His room was always in order and he paid attention to the details but without getting bogged down by them. He seemed to know what he liked and what he didn’t like without much hesitation. All quite different from me. My room would go through fitful bouts of cleanliness and disarray. My likes and dislikes related much more directly to my mood rather than to any empirical method of elimination of less appealing options. Even my favorite color varied from day to day. He and...

We have been writing this blog for almost 6 months now. We have enjoyed having pseudonyms and being somewhat anonymous. The time has come for us to be the real us now. This wasn't an easy decisions but it is the right one. The thoughts and feelings we express on this blog are as raw and open as we can make them and so it is with much trepidation that we post these.  We are real people.  We have a family whose lives will likely be affected by our decisions to be open about this.  But one thing we have learned is that it is much better to move forward with courage and love than to hide behind a pretense of perfection.  We are expecting some to be critical; we are all entitled to our own opinions and beliefs.  But our hope is that most that read this will do so with an open mind and a sincere desire to understand.  We know of so many who carry so tremendous amounts of shame and pain silently in their hearts because of a fear of not being accepted for who th...

Edited and updated. I've always tried to portray a very positive attitude when writing about my husband being SSA. For the most part that is very accurate. There are hard things too. The longer we are it though the more I realize that all marriages are just as hard.  We all have trials that we go through to make us stronger and ours is no different.  I think as long as a SSA person has learned to have healthy relationships with their same gender and they keep strong in their marriage then it is no different than being in a “normal” marriage which also will always have its issues too. As Will has grown emotionally he has taken more notice of people and their reactions/actions to people around them and now understands them better too.   He has noticed that some guys he is around, really like being around girls. Yes, obviously, but let me explain more.  He and a good straight guy friend, who both enjoy each other’s company, will be talking alone. A gal wil...

The fondest memory I have of my Grandma is her love of Robert Frost.  Many were the times she shared these words with me: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. * I remember still her voice, her smile, and the kind look in her eyes as she spoke.  A twinkle of joy and wisdom.  As a small child I remember the distinct impression that she knew a secret, and that it was contained in those few words. How poignant this has become in my life as I have chosen the road less traveled by. Today I shared my story with a friend.  The usual fear and doubt were present, the questions, the hesitation.  But once again I felt a gentle urging and encouragement.  As surprised as she was to hear my story, I was equally surprised to find that she had a great understanding and compassion.  Someone close to her lives with this and has been less fortunate than I. For a while now I have been strug...

It's been a while since I've posted. Been an extremely busy and trying month but I'll get around to writing some more about it soon. Just filled out a survey for the BSA on my opinions regarding their policy of not allowing gay scouts or leaders. It was really difficult. There is a post coming about that, too. Later. In the mean time, here's some humor from our family. Azalea was talking to our only daughter in the bathroom.  Our daughter had a rough day -- she had to play with little girls all day.  I guess I should clarify that the reason that was rough for her is that it made her feel very deeply the sorrow of not having any sisters... Azalea:  Why did you cry today? Daughter: Because I don’t want to have brothers. Azalea:  Do you mean you don’t want brothers or you wish you had a sister? Daughter:  (Thoughtful) I want a sister. Azalea :  You know your friend Annabelle?  She doesn't have any sisters or brothers! Daughter:  She doesn't...

I found myself in the kitchen, surrounded by the familiar complexity (nice way of saying mess) of family life, doing a reality check.  More of a sanity check, actually.  Was I really going to do it?  I rolled it around in my mind, letting it seep into the cracks.  So much change in such a short time.  Maybe it was because -- nope, wasn’t the gay part.  That felt pretty comfortable now.  My wife and I even laugh about it.  Haven’t told the kids yet, but the oldest isn't even into puberty yet.  Wow -- had to laugh at how comfortable I am referring to myself as gay.  It’s the blogging part that I can’t believe.  I’ve told a lot of people lately -- but I don't think that counts. They’re almost all in the same boat.  LDS, attracted to their same gender, some even in mixed orientation marriages like myself.  But that’s a lot different than posting on the internet.  Yet does feel right. Maybe I'm just getting comfortable a...