Why do we call Lucas gay?

There are lots of terms used for those that are same-sex attracted, same-gender attracted, gay, queer, just a man, a child of God, homo, homosexual, etc. Why do we chose the term gay? We did it on purpose and we do it more on purpose now, than we even did when we first started using it.

We used it to begin with because it was a term we understood. It was a turning point in our lives and using the word we understood, signified that. We knew Lucas was SSA but it didn’t mean the same thing. That was something he and I wanted him to overcome and something I definitely didn’t understand, though he didn’t either.  Gay is a term we understood and it was different than SSA, in our eyes, and it was something we no longer wanted him to overcome but something to help him grow, and learn, and become more than who he was. SSA was a weakness, gay was something that we saw could become a strength. I know that seems odd to many, but I really believe there are SO many strengths that come from the traits that being gay comes with, at least for Lucas.

We are Mormon and we very much believe in free agency or the ability for us to choose and make our own choices.  It is funny to me. In a world so full of choices and so full of opportunities, the world really seeks to decided things for us. Girls should all be skinny and perfect, guys should all be buff and have a 6-pack, everyone has the right opinion on how to raise your children and what you should do in any given situation and I am not entirely excluded from that.  We have all these choices but you should only make the “right” and popular ones or the choice “we” would make, with the understanding that we have!

I chose to call Lucas gay because I believe in choices and I want to make it LOUD AND CLEAR that you can NOT chose who you are attracted to but YOU CAN chose how you chose to act and react and live!!! We were sent here with free agency, we need to allow each other to use it!

My husband is attracted to men. He can’t change that and I can’t change that and it really doesn’t matter at this point. I know some believe that he can change that but neither of us see the point. Yes, it would make some things in life easier but the point of this life is not be easy. It is to grow and learn and help each other learn and grow and become more than we were yesterday. Could he be “cured”, maybe, but we don’t see that as a goal worth pursuing. We would much rather him spend his energy and time making gay be his strength. That we feel is a goal worth pursuing.

Lucas made a decision as a youth that he wanted to marry a woman and have a family. It was not a coerced decision.  His family didn’t pressure him. His religious leaders didn’t pressure him. I didn’t even pressure him, I had been out with a different guy, one I really liked, the week we got engaged. It was a decision he made, all on his own. Together, him and I, it is just was right and it was from almost the time we met. We work amazingly together. We do butt heads quite nicely too, about as well as we work together. :)  We both can be very passionate about things which works to our advantage most of the time and occasionally to our detriment. We love being a family together and raising out children together. We love doing things together. We love working together and playing together. We love sitting together and playing games and laughing. Is it a perfect marriage, by all means NO, but it is a good marriage.

Could he be happier with a guy? Maybe some aspects, but in general most of what we have is gender non-specific. The specific stuff is such a small part of a relationship that I think it is really narrow-minded to think it can’t work.  We live in a world that makes that small part, most of the relationship and thus, if we looked at it that way, there would be issues.

So, I obfuscated a little from my point. Why do we call Lucas gay? We call Lucas gay because we want to say LOUD and CLEAR to all those trying to navigate through life, that no matter what obstacles you see in your path, no matter what challenges arise, no matter what hand you have been dealt, YOU can choose how to live your life and the choices that you make.  We also want to say LOUD and CLEAR that Luke is not straight. Marrying a woman and having a family does not make you straight. It means he made a choice and it means I made a choice and we continue to make that choice...happily. It means our marriage has a few quirks but it really does not have any more quirks than anyone else’s. He isn’t living a double life, or even trying to live a straight life. I know perfectly well he is attracted to guys, and actually not usually the ones I am attracted too. :)  I don’t need him to be straight to know he loves me. I don’t need him to be straight to have a wonderful relationship.  Lastly we want to say LOUD and CLEAR that we believe in free agency and we need to allow everyone to use the agency they were given. Some choices of course aren’t ok in society but we need to remember that majority of people are just doing the best they can with how they understand this life and we need to let them be on their own course and use their agency. Still the most important thing I have learned in the last 2 years is that we need to love each other more and support one another however we can and even more important than those, is we need to love ourselves!

Posted by Azalea Adamson On 7/18/2014 10:31:00 AM 4 comments


  1. Thank you for articulating my own feelings so well!

  2. In most every paragraph, you use the word "chose" when I'm pretty sure it should be "choose".


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