I am Azalea, Will’s wife. He is gay and I am the opposite.  I LOVE guys!  LOL  He was worried I would be uncomfortable at a North Star Fireside which was mostly all (SSA/gay) men.  Really?  You do know me, right?  A place where there are mostly men and for that matter kind, sensitive, caring men?  Sounds like heaven to me!

So in the last few months my husband Will has embraced the fact that he is gay.  He is becoming a different person and it is so fun!  Our marriage is very solid and we are best friends.  I think that is what makes this all work so well. I love that my Will can see the big picture. He, much like Josh Weed, knew he wanted to go on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, he knew he wanted to marry in the Temple and he knew he wanted to have a family and he knew that he wanted to remain a faithful Latter-day Saint. This is one of the reasons he was not going to be gay. Well, it gets to the point where you just can’t deny something anymore.  A friend on Facebook posted about Josh Weed. The title of his blog post intrigued me greatly.  I went and read the post, in which Josh and Lolly came out.  You can read it here if you haven’t already: http://www.joshweed.com/2012/06/club-unicorn-in-which-i-come-out-of.html   

 WOW! I knew that my husband was SSA. I knew before we got married...I want to tell the rest of that story but not in the post. Suffice it to say, we knew Will was SSA, we didn’t really accept, or for that matter even understand it, until Josh and Lolly came out. It was at that point that it became OK for Will to be gay and to fully accept that he was gay and married to a woman and be a faithful Mormon.  Wow! 

So, we are now having a lot of fun with it in truth. Most of us go through our pre-teen years, teenage years and young adult years fairly unconsciously (at least I did) learning that the opposite (or same sex) no longer have cooties, finding people cute, having crushes, becoming more than friends, learning how to still talk someone we think is cute, or dealing with someone we have to deal with even when we find them really cute, etc. I mean sometimes you really had to work through feelings and such, but we knew how for the most part, and all our peers were having to do it to, to one degree or another.  Will never went through that.  He didn’t feel the attraction for girls and he didn’t allow himself with guys, because he was NOT gay.   So now as a 30+, married man he is doing it. I have a 30+ year old man that is allowing himself to be a hormonal teenager.  It’s a lot of fun.  I was there when he noticed the first guy checking him out.  I didn’t notice, but he did.  It was fun to watch him as he talked about it.  Not that he was interested, and the guy wasn’t that cute anyway, but it was nice to be noticed, and I can totally understand that!  

A week or so later I caught him checking out a guy, and I called him on it. He turned bright red and got an embarrassed grin on his face.  He actually wasn’t really checking the guy out. The guy was odd, and so he was trying to figure him out, rather than just checking him out. Which was good, actually, as we would have had to have had a talk on, “You really find him cute? We need to raise your standards!”  LOL   Since then he has had his first crush and we have worked through how that feels, and how do you act around this person and then move on?  He has also allowed himself to see other men as cute/handsome and then learning to feel it, just like the rest of us have done for years, and then move on, not dwelling on the thought, but just feeling it and moving on.  Whereas most of us, for the most part did that unconsciously, Will is very consciously doing it.  In truth I think it’s pretty uncomfortable for him, especially when he is sharing most of this with me.  [Will:  I’m starting to get used to being uncomfortable.]  It has been a lot of fun though, and we don’t always have the same taste in men.  I think I have better tastes then him.  LOL [Will: That’s a matter of opinion, isn’t it?]

Now, my brain says this should not be good for our marriage, but quite the opposite is true. This has made our marriage SO much stronger. This is HARD, don’t get me wrong, but it has been a lot of fun, and we are at the right place so that it can be fun.  We are doing this journey together, which makes all the difference in the world. As we are doing it together, as best friends and as sweethearts we can open up to each other more than we ever have, more than I ever thought possible.  
This is best for another post too, but I can see what a blessing it is in our life and through the trials that we have had, that I have a more kind, sensitive, caring husband.  He is a wonderful man and I love him more and more every day! 

Side note:  If you are engaged and SSA/Gay TELL YOUR FIANCE‼!  Don’t let her find out later in marriage! If she really is the right girl, she will accept it and you can do your journey together and then do it TOGETHER!
Posted by Lucas Jones On 12/12/2012 11:36:00 PM 2 comments

2 comments:

  1. Azalea & Will - thank you for sharing this. We can totally relate to this, and yes, it can be quite 'fun'. Maybe some people would find this whole experience something to be devastated about and not understand the humor and endearing parts, but it is definitely relationship building and has brought us so much closer as well. Sure there are some obstacles and hard times, but communication and honesty are certainly the key. Gee, I am often so grateful that my husbands attractions are towards men and not women, I think I would hate that in many ways. Maybe just because this is what I'm used to or what I know, but I'm glad I don't feel the need to compete with other women, and I know I can't compete with the men, so it's a pretty good deal. We also do some comparing of who's attracted to who, and through those conversations, it is quite clear to me that, for my husband anyway, it is all quite superficial, a lot just about looks, therefore, I don't ever feel like there is someone out there who has anything, other than a handsome face or a great physique to offer my husband. Of course, these days, and through the past everlasting years, I am confident that he no longer sees that any man has anything to offer him, as he has evolved to where he is now. It's a wonderful thing.

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