The fondest memory I have of my Grandma is her love of Robert Frost.  Many were the times she shared these words with me:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.*

I remember still her voice, her smile, and the kind look in her eyes as she spoke.  A twinkle of joy and wisdom.  As a small child I remember the distinct impression that she knew a secret, and that it was contained in those few words.

How poignant this has become in my life as I have chosen the road less traveled by.

Today I shared my story with a friend.  The usual fear and doubt were present, the questions, the hesitation.  But once again I felt a gentle urging and encouragement.  As surprised as she was to hear my story, I was equally surprised to find that she had a great understanding and compassion.  Someone close to her lives with this and has been less fortunate than I.

For a while now I have been struggling with depression and frustration.  I had been unable to shake it and had been equally unable to determine the source.  But tonight as I spoke, the light grew in me again.  Hope glimmered as the sunlight after the rain as as the look in her eyes hinted to me of understanding, compassion, some fear and sorrow, and also of love.

I remembered again why I am doing this, what I have to work for, what makes all the difference.

* Poem excerpt from "The Road Not Taken", by Robert Frost.

Posted by Lucas Jones On 4/08/2013 11:00:00 PM 3 comments

3 comments:

  1. I worry a lot about gay Mormon men who have chosen to marry women and struggle with depression - it's not that unusual it seems and sometimes anxiety accompanies it.
    The other thing that concerns me is that this 'road less travelled' you have chosen is supposed by some to be this noble sacrifice - this forsaking of one's needs (and I would argue oneself) for some supposed greater good, as though God Himself would be so pleased.
    It is a choice and a perfectly acceptable one to make - but it is not noble really, not at all. It simply is.

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    Replies
    1. I woke up this morning thinking about your comments. Thank you for taking the time to post. I agree with you. I do not see this as a "noble" cause. At least no more so than the pursuit of one's dreams is for any person. And to obtain the fondest dreams of your heart always requires sacrifice. I have never yet met or heard of anyone for whom this is not the case. But therein lies the strength. Anything worth having is worth giving up something for, worth fighting for. In my wife and my children I find some of the greatest joy of my life.

      Could I have had a family in some other way? Possibly, but I am content with that which I have.

      Am I depressed sometimes? Yes. Show me someone that is not.

      Is my depression related to issues related to my same gender attraction? Often, but not always. Also, I would say that I am in general a happy person. I think anyone who knows me well would agree.

      Do I think this would be resolved by living in a same gender relationship? Not in the slightest. I would just have different challenges then.

      I write this with my 7-year-old daughter sitting on my lap, snuggled into me.

      == Will

      Delete
  2. Robert Frost also wrote a small couplet:
    We dance round in a ring and suppose,
    but the Secret sits in the middle and knows.
    By personifying(deifying) and capitalizing the word secret he clearly places the relationship between us and our Jobitian struggles with the "great unknown" - the God Almighty

    ReplyDelete

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