Scary Things and Happy Things
Just faced another of the scariest moments of my life. I wonder if I will ever get used to it? This morning I came out to a friend I carpool with. His friendship means a great deal to me and I have wanted to tell him for some time, but have not had the courage.
I used to think that I was a pretty good judge of character, and while I still believe it to be true in general, there are the secret workings of a person’s heart, their true character, that are difficult to see. There are moments, though, when we truly see a person’s character, moments when guards are down, moments of vulnerability. When talking to someone you care about, outing yourself is definitely one.
For both of you.
“I’ve got to share something with you,” I told him this morning. “Before I chicken out. You never know where God is going to take you and he has certainly taken me on a strange path during the past year.”
I explained that I had spent the majority of my life trying not to be a certain way and then have spent the past year learning to accept that I am that way, and to learn and grow from it.
“I’m gay.” I couldn’t stop talking at that point. It all came tumbling out. How my wife and I feel we need to be open about this, how we can be examples. We can show people that there is a choice, another way. I talked the whole way to work.
I can be gay and married to a woman and happy.
My friend was awesome about it. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but I do remember what it said to me. He respected me -- before and still. He acknowledged how much courage it must take. Was there anything he could do to help? I conveyed to him that his friendship meant a lot to me and that was exactly what I needed.
I’m feeling a lot better now. I’m pleased with myself for facing hard things with courage and optimism, and for him for doing so as well. Another big step on the journey.
It was hard getting here, but the view from here is amazing.
Gordon B. Hinkley, past president of the LDS church said, “In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.”
It’s proving true for me so far.
I used to think that I was a pretty good judge of character, and while I still believe it to be true in general, there are the secret workings of a person’s heart, their true character, that are difficult to see. There are moments, though, when we truly see a person’s character, moments when guards are down, moments of vulnerability. When talking to someone you care about, outing yourself is definitely one.
For both of you.
“I’ve got to share something with you,” I told him this morning. “Before I chicken out. You never know where God is going to take you and he has certainly taken me on a strange path during the past year.”
I explained that I had spent the majority of my life trying not to be a certain way and then have spent the past year learning to accept that I am that way, and to learn and grow from it.
“I’m gay.” I couldn’t stop talking at that point. It all came tumbling out. How my wife and I feel we need to be open about this, how we can be examples. We can show people that there is a choice, another way. I talked the whole way to work.
I can be gay and married to a woman and happy.
My friend was awesome about it. I don’t remember exactly what he said, but I do remember what it said to me. He respected me -- before and still. He acknowledged how much courage it must take. Was there anything he could do to help? I conveyed to him that his friendship meant a lot to me and that was exactly what I needed.
I’m feeling a lot better now. I’m pleased with myself for facing hard things with courage and optimism, and for him for doing so as well. Another big step on the journey.
It was hard getting here, but the view from here is amazing.
Gordon B. Hinkley, past president of the LDS church said, “In my ninety-plus years, I have learned a secret. I have learned that when good men and good women face challenges with optimism, things will always work out! Truly, things always work out! Despite how difficult circumstances may look at the moment, those who have faith and move forward with a happy spirit will find that things always work out.”
It’s proving true for me so far.
Very Cool Will. I can't wait to share this post with Mr. IDM. You are very brave, strong, and exceptionally in tune with your needs. I'm so glad you took that extra step to reach out for the hug you knew you needed.
ReplyDeleteI'll bet your friend benefited from the hug as well. :)
And, may I just say, that your great writing ability to express yourself and tell the story made me all warm and fuzzy.
GROUP HUG! :D
"I need a hug." There are not many people in my normal life that I could say that to. That's quite the friendship. Your courage in speaking what was in your heart has paid off for both of you.
ReplyDeleteWhere ist the last quote of Gordon B. Hinckley from. I try to research it with Google. But all I find is the quote for itself, not the source.
ReplyDeleteBettina, what I am finding is that it comes from his book "Way To Be", p. 84.
ReplyDeleteNot sure where Lucas saw it at but that is the source I could find.