Finding Strength of Will

Just faced another of the scariest moments of my life.  I wonder if I will ever get used to it?  This morning I came out to a friend I carpool with.  His friendship means a great deal to me and I have wanted to tell him for some time, but have not had the courage.   I used to think that I was a pretty good judge of character, and while I still believe it to be true in general, there are the secret workings of a person’s heart, their true character, that are difficult to see.  There are moments, though, when we truly see a person’s character, moments when guards are down, moments of vulnerability.  When talking to someone you care about, outing yourself is definitely one.   For both of you. “I’ve got to share something with you,” I told him this morning.  “Before I chicken out.  You never know where God is going to take you and he has certainly taken me on a strange path during the past year.” I explained that I had spent the majority of my li...

When I first came out I was so unfamiliar with the new me that I wasn't even able to write to myself in a journal.  I composed letters instead about what I was learning and discovering.  Here is the second letter I wrote: So I’m on day 3 now, meaning it’s been days since I accepted myself.  Wanted to share some interesting changes that I’ve noticed: 1) I feel lighter and happy, pretty consistently.  Things that would normally get me down don’t.  I’m familiar with the euphoria of getting something new in your life (baby, job, wife, etc.) so I know this probably won’t last forever, but I sure am enjoying it while it does. 2) I feel like I can be myself--which I suppose means that I have never quite been myself.  For example, I can let myself be caring and sensitive without feeling guarded.  So what if someone thinks I’m a little softer than the average “man”!  They’re right.  It’s who I am and I like me that way. 3) I’ve stopped belittl...