Here is a, well, lengthy, introduction that I wrote about myself and our story that I needed to write out for something I was doing:

My name is Azalea and I think I have a much different perspective.  I LOVE being in a mixed orientation marriage.  Will and I met while going to school and shortly after meeting got engaged.   It was just,  right.  After being engaged a few months and getting to know each other a little better, he told me about his SSA.  It really didn’t mean much to either of us.  SSA was this odd thing he struggled with.  He struggled a little off and on with some things but I for the most part didn’t know about it and I really didn’t know of much effect it had on our marriage.  Looking back Will knows that it did have some effect but thankfully he was really blessed and protected.

 Fast forward over a decade to June of this year.   A friend posted on Facebook a link to Josh Weeds coming out post.  The title intrigued me and I went and read it.  I then outed my husband to himself.  :)

 With the past decade of gay becoming more and more in the media and with some personal experiences we have had, being gay I can comprehend instead of this odd SSA issue thing that I really didn’t understand and I don’t think he did either.
 
Since then we have come a long way.  Having grown up “straight” and he was GOING to be straight and his ultimate fear was he would end up gay; it has been a journey‼!   In June he was able to start accepting all of who he was instead of burying some of it.  He is a different person.  I didn’t marry a born leader, but he is now!  I married an introvert, he isn’t anymore.  Our marriage is incredible.  We have NO secrets on either side and I’m not just being naive.

As this has been a very quick intense journey there have been a few up and downs, mainly because this is so unknown.  We are pioneers in this in a lot of ways.   Overall I have loved it.  As he was “straight” growing up and dated a ton, he just thought he just didn’t have a problem with the chastity thing and in some ways, not judgmentally, just curiously, wondered why others did.  He had some natural steps that he skipped, these steps needed to happen sometime.  Just like kids who skip crawling and go straight to walking have to go back and crawl because your brain needs that step, Will had to go back and do the steps he skipped.  Since June he has had his first crush, noticed the first person, a guy, check him out (I was at college with him, lots of girls checked him out, he was just oblivious to it.), allowing himself to find guys attractive and things like that and then also figuring out how to deal with those emotions that he had never dealt with.  For a SSA guy that wants to live the gospel I can’t think of a safer time to go through those feelings than with your best friend and wife by your side.  I thought it was fun!  He was so embarrassed and cute about it, that it really was fun.  The only real concerns I had as we went through that was if I thought he needed to up his tastes a little!

As we are pioneers in this it is a little scary and a lot scary.  There aren’t a lot of total success stories, I have yet to find one on a blog or otherwise.  A couple that has been married longer than us, as we have been married longer than the Weeds.  There are lots of wonderful learning about the atonement and stories of healing and of wonderful marriages in the end that I AM very grateful for but there are not many stories like Josh’s.  Ones of men and women that never took that path and also that have never strayed, or not very much, from the gospel.

I am my husband’s #1 fan and we have been doing this entirely together so I don’t worry about him, too much. I know who he thinks is cute, I know he is attracted to, I know the crushes, I know his journey.  I know that as he is figuring out how to feel about these feelings and what to do with them.  He is learning how to categorize the feelings in his brain along with learning to have real relationships with other men.   He is learning how to get and receive appropriate and healthy touch, attention and friendships and as long as we keep a strong relationship and he keeps his strong relationship with his Heavenly Father he will be just fine.  

I don’t believe he will ever not be SSA and I am fine with that.  I am ok that my husband is attracted to men.  I am attracted to men, so what is the problem that he is?  I know that there are complications, and in some ways it isn’t that simple but in some ways it is.  I don’t believe that it is a sin or he is doing something wrong by being this way.  It is never something he would choose and if Heavenly Father chose to give him this challenge, I think Heavenly Father is ok with it to, as a matter of fact I know he is. He gave Will this challenge to make him stronger and to help other people who are struggling. He gave us the challenge because he knew I could do it and I could stand by my husband and be supportive in ways that surprise me even as I say them.  I make comments and then stop and think, I just said that, and all of me is shouting, “I should have a problem with what just came out of my mouth” but I don’t, at all!

Now, in fairness our life is not a bowl of cherries, but we have so many other trials and baggage that the SSA just isn’t one of the big ones.  It’s big because of what it is, but it has not been our biggest challenge in our life.

There are so many wonderful things about being married to an SSA man!  I get all the benefits of the typical gay man.  Fashion advise as long as I can get him out of the 80’s mindset he sometimes get in. : ) He was the one buying ribbon, on clearance, at the craft store, for decorating for Christmas next year!  He was looking at my Sunday shoes on Sunday and he pointed them out to me with a look that said, “Those are wearing out” and then with a grin,” I’ll take you shopping”!   He is sweet and kind and sensitive.  He is a wonderful father and as we have several boys, he is teaching them to be the type man he always wanted to be and oddly enough, being SSA has helped him be the man he wanted to be, the type man he wanted to be like.  I think I have the best of both worlds.  I have a healthy, physically strong because he works on it, somewhat manly man, who is also sweet and sensitive and in a lot of ways makes a better homemaker than I do. I love it! 

Posted by Azalea Adamson On 1/07/2013 08:58:00 PM 3 comments

3 comments:

  1. I just love these thoughts Azalea, and I totally get it. :D

    I have often said that I actually love being married to a gay guy. He has so many great characteristics that I don't often see in the 'straight' guys I know, and he is thankfully lacking some of those 'stereotypical' straight man/jerk traits that I don't think I could live with. Hey, I'm just sayin..... Don't mean to offend any real great heterosexual men out there - I know there's a few of them around, ;)

    I am actually working on a post about this very subject - it's gonna be fun. Hopefully you'll share some of your insights on it kas well - when I get it done. :)

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  2. What would you consider healthy touch?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I remember as a kid seeing other guys with their best friends -- the kind that didn't mind sitting next to each other on a couch while watching a movie or who walked down the street with their arms around each other's shoulders. This was not overly common but there were enough friendships I saw like that to realize that it could exist. This is what I wanted. I wanted a friendship where we didn't avoid touch as if either one of us carried a contagious disease. I wanted someone to put their arm around me because he's glad to see me or who will give me a hug and let me cry on his shoulder when I'm having the worst day of my life. This is what I mean by healthy touch. Watch the way little kids act before they are old enough to be influenced by society and stereotypes.

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