I found myself in the kitchen, surrounded by the familiar complexity (nice way of saying mess) of family life, doing a reality check.  More of a sanity check, actually.  Was I really going to do it?  I rolled it around in my mind, letting it seep into the cracks.  So much change in such a short time.  Maybe it was because -- nope, wasn’t the gay part.  That felt pretty comfortable now.  My wife and I even laugh about it.  Haven’t told the kids yet, but the oldest isn't even into puberty yet.  Wow -- had to laugh at how comfortable I am referring to myself as gay.  It’s the blogging part that I can’t believe.  I’ve told a lot of people lately -- but I don't think that counts. They’re almost all in the same boat.  LDS, attracted to their same gender, some even in mixed orientation marriages like myself.  But that’s a lot different than posting on the internet.  Yet does feel right. Maybe I'm just getting comfortable at being uncomfortable.

I snapped out of my trance and realized my youngest was looking at me quite oddly. His look said, “Dad, why are you standing in the middle of the kitchen staring at the table?”  Started to laugh but something caught my eye. I suddenly realized it was actually an I'm-sneaking-food-before-dinner-and-I-just-got-caught look. Was going to give him consequences but the ADD kicked in and I ended up somewhere else entirely. Don't recall where, I just remember that he got away with it.
And yes, we are one those families that actually lives in their house, resulting in a study on loosely organized chaos.

But yeah.  I’m going to do it.  You just read it, after all.

Kids should be asleep but just came from their room:

First: (Giggling and laughter)

Second: You just knocked my tooth out.

First: (More giggling)

Second: And it hurt like the--like the dickens!

Me, in the living room: Do we have any change?

Wife: Do they ever go to sleep?

That's my life.

Posted by Lucas Jones On 12/11/2012 11:16:00 PM No comments


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