Finding Strength of Will

Here's a copy of a journal entry I made quite a while ago. I wanted to share it as it gives a little insight into how it feels to be hiding something, to never quite feel like you can be fully in a friendship. Twice in the past two weeks I've been talking with friends and had those moments where you feel like there's a trust thing going on and they're sharing personal things and you want to share personal things and so you say...what?  Yeah, and oh by the way, I'm gay.  Yeah, just me, the guy you go running with and who works in the office next door.  Yeah, I'm married to a gal and have 4 kids.  No, it's not strange for me at all.  Quite normal in fact.  You mean you find it strange?   Or maybe they won't find it strange.  I just don't know.  Don't know what to expect or how to say it. I realized, though, that I had at some point moved past Should I tell my friend? to How do I tell my friend?  I'm pretty much scared.  I...

Today I told a stranger I was gay.  It was just the right time.  It surprised me how easy it was to say, how little I cared if he knew.   “I wondered,” he replied.  “But I thought I was wrong because you were married.  So are you like Josh Weed and Ty Mansfield?” “Why did you think I was gay?”  I asked.  So far most people have been surprised. “I read people pretty well,” he answered.  I should have seen it coming at this point.  Maybe I did. Because I asked, suspiciously, “How do you know about Josh and Ty?” I saw it then.  I knew the look in his eyes.  I knew what he was feeling. We talked for quite some time.  We shared a lot--the same beliefs and religion, the same attractions.  We had similar fears and cares. Ten minutes, then fifteen.  Already we were sharing things more personal than I share with opposite attracted friends, friends I have known for many years. That is my experi...

I wrote this post two weeks ago, as you will see at the bottom.   I’m actually glad I didn’t post before as it gave me two weeks to put everything in a better perspective. Will has always been gay or attracted to men.   Since he was 8, he knew he was different.   Then, I assume, sometime a few years later he realized he was SSA (Same Sex Attracted).   He had a goal in mind though; he was going to go on a mission, he was going to get married, he was going to have a family, and he was NOT going to be gay.   Though that did get him where he wanted to be, and we think that the goal to not be gay was a good thing for our journey, the time comes when you have to be honest with yourself or you might explode!   :) When Josh Weed came out (you can read our story about that here ) it allowed Will to be OK with being gay.   That means he isn’t squashing those feeling anymore.   And if he isn’t squashing those feelings, that means he is having them. ...