There were a lot of things I took for granted as a youth and young adult. Who I was attracted to was somewhat straight forward. I found a handsome man that very quickly became someone I couldn’t imagine not in my life. Fast forward 15 years and I am learning that attraction is not so straight forward for everyone.

As a teenager who do you find attractive? Well other teenagers, young adults and an occasional just hot person, older…there aren’t many of those though. As a young adult who do you find attractive? Other young adults, hot young-ish people and an occasional really hot teenager or older person but those are few and far between. As a middle age person who do you find attractive? Do you actually find other middle age people attractive that you wouldn’t have given the time of day when you were a teen and just because they were middle aged? What about when you are 90? Who is attractive? Do you actually find other 90 year olds attractive?

There seems to be a thought that attractions can’t change or don’t change but they do don’t they. They change because we change.

There are many people that indicate that sexual attraction is one of the most important aspects in finding and having a partner…which to me translates to finding one’s partner attractive so you want to have sex.  Isn’t that what that translates too?  So does that aspect have to be there?  And does it have to be there the exact same way for everyone?

How many people do you meet and after getting to know them there attractiveness changes? You meet a hot person but they are a jerk. They might still be hot but it does change their attractiveness. How about a not so attractive person that is just the sweetest and most amazing person; they because more attractive, even though there looks have not changed at all.  It happens.

Also are there things that change attractiveness? I remember reading a Dear Abby once. A man was married to a woman for 25+ years or something like that.  Upon retiring and now being with his wife on a constant basis he realized that she only bathed about every 3 days or something like that. He all of the sudden found her very unattractive. He thought she should bath more.  Even though NOTHING had changed except his knowledge of that, she became unattractive to him.

When we find someone that we really like being with be that just a friend or more than just a friend are they things we overlook because we just like being with them? Are all your friends EXACTLY to the letter who you would have them ideally be? I have lots of friends and a wonderful husband but I don’t know anyone who is 100% the perfect person. That is good though because I am not perfect.

I probably have written this before and I will probably write it again but I think it’s good. For those that are SSA but desire to marry or seek out a marriage with someone of the opposite sex here is my advice from all the really good marriages I have seen. This does not mean the marriages haven’t had issues but they are the marriages where the couple, even amongst issues and hardships and even infidelity, is able to work through things and still be an amazing couple.  Go find the person that you love being around SO much that it doesn’t even matter that they are the opposite sex.

In general I have not heard of sexual issues really being a huge problem when that happens. I am not saying there aren’t quirks or little things or times when maybe things aren’t working, but you are going to find that in any and almost every long term relationship.

Marry your sweetheart, your best friend, the person you can’t imagine life without and keep remembering and renewing that. 

To me more than anything, the story below is what marriage and love is really about.

Here is a story passed around Facebook that was followed by comments that echoed this story with similar stories from their own families.

TRUE LOVE (A Doctor's note) Must Read!!

It was approximately 8:30 a.m. on a busy morning when an elderly gentleman in his eighties arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He stated that he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 a.m. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat. I knew it would take more than an hour before someone would to able to attend to him. I saw him check his watch anxi...ously for the time and decided to evaluate his wound since I was not busy with another patient. On examination, the wound was well healed. Hence, I talked to one of the doctors to get the supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. We began to engage in a conversation while I was taking care of his wound. I asked him if he had another doctor's appointment later as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no and said that he needed to go to the nursing home to have breakfast with his wife. I inquired about her health. He told me that she had been in the nursing home for a while as she was a victim of Alzheimer's disease. I probed further and asked if she would be upset if he was slightly late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was and she had not been able to recognize him since five years ago. I asked him in surprise, "And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?" He smiled as he patted my hand and said, "She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is." I had to hold back my tears as he left. I had goose bumps on my arm, and I thought, "That is the kind of love I want in my life." True love is neither physical nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.


Posted by Azalea Adamson On 12/27/2013 12:01:00 AM 2 comments


  1. By extension then, a straight person could be in a marriage with someone of their same sex as natural attraction is irrelevant in your argument. Would you support.that? And as the straight wife, could you.picture yourself in a marriage with another woman? If God said that you should.marry someone.of the

    1. I don't know that I could do the journey the same way Lucas has. I don't think I could have. Thankfully, it isn't my lot in life. Lucas can do it. That's not to say it isn't without difficulty or challenge or many other things, but this is what he has chosen and continues to choose. I think he is pretty amazing!


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