#7 A down side

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The next in line chronologically of me learning to deal with and accept being same gender attracted.  I've had many thoughts that I wanted to say in way of explaining this or commenting on how my views have changed or what I've learned, but I've scrapped them all.  I want it to be just what it is--a snapshot of how I saw things then.  Jumping back in time...

So, here’s a downside to being on the gay side of things in a mixed-orientation marriage. So Wrylon’s been watching a TV drama.  The main character’s a gal and of course there’s a guy (or a couple of them) that are romantically inclined towards her.  The one is the stereotypical TV guy -- rugged, horny, lots of testosterone, but with a potential soft side hiding around somewhere under the scruff.  He’s always trying to get the gal in bed.  Now there are plenty of times when I am interested in pursuing something but it's invariably at bad times (middle of the work day, when the kids won't stay in bed, etc.). Then when we do have time it seems like I'm often exhausted.  She’s feels like I’m just leading her on, that maybe things are different because of my SSA.  As one of my mission companions said: “Jones, you’re going to make someone a great wife some day.”  He was talking about how I kept our apartment clean and liked cooking, but sometimes I feel that how I interact with my family does seem to be more similar to how the stereotypical wife would act rather than the "manly" man.  So, to sum it up, Wrylon proclaimed this morning that she wishes she had married a man instead of a woman.   Dang it.  Trying really hard not to wish I could just change her perspective.
...
It’s now a few hours later and time for an update.  I was pretty sure she would work through it, and she has.  She said most of the time she’s fine with who I am.  Just sometimes she’s not.  

She just told me, “I love you” and I knew she meant all of me.

(Note from Wrylon: I actually very, very rarely feel this way, but there are times. Also note that I am not questioning his masculinity AT ALL. I find my husband very manly. It is just that some of the ways he does stuff and some of the ways he tries to do things is more like a wife would try and do which means we are fighting on how to do the household stuff. This also might come from the fact that we are both oldest children and both want to be in charge...of everything! Yes, our house can be quite fun with 3 oldest children living in it and all of us wanting to be in charge; Lucas, me and our oldest child. :) )

Comments

  1. jeannie farnsworthJanuary 14, 2014 at 6:18 PM

    Hi Lucas and Wrylon - I just read this tonight. I must say, sometimes I wish my husband behaved more like a wife. I'd like a break every once in a while!

    ReplyDelete

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