I suppose by making public some of what is commonly reserved as personal that we are inviting criticism, and I'm OK with that.  But what astounds me is the certainty which many people seem to have that I and my wife are making the wrong decision.  Is it too simple to believe that we could really have found our soul mate, the peson that we want to spend our life with, in spite of our differences?

Because it is that simple.  My wife and I have chosen to make a go at this life together.  We hold sacred the importance of family.  We believe that the whole is greater than the sum of the parts.  We feel that the best chance we have is to face this side-by-side, as partners, best-friends, lovers, and equals.  We believe in true love.  We believe in God and that He is our support.  We believe that we are not just as we are now and will always be so -- we believe that we are meant to constantly try to improve ourselves, and that it is possible to do so.  We believe in taking chances, making mistakes, and getting messy.  We believe in forgiveness and patience. 

Today is our anniversary.  After almost a decade and a half, a smile still comes unbidden to my face when I come home after work to her.  I still can't bear to spend a night away from her.  We've gone through plenty of times that felt like Hell and we've had many times that felt like a piece of Heaven on Earth.  And we're still here, still fighting the odds, and still smiling.  I love her more every day.

Is it that hard to believe that we don't have a chance at this?

Even if no one else does (and I know that there are many who do -- thank you!!), I believe in us.

(Taken years ago.)
Posted by Lucas Jones On 5/06/2013 05:15:00 PM 3 comments


  1. My only concern is that because of some folks who might have questions or observations, you may feel the need to not share issues around being gay/being married to a gay man because you might be concerned that some people may then become concerned, if that makes sense.
    Has anyone actually said that you won't make it or have some just been asking questions? Do you feel like you have to 'prove' that it is working and not express any problems you may have? That would be a shame.

    1. Thank you for your concern. While we have had many comments directly pointing out how little chance we have of making it work, we have no intention at this time of changing what we're doing in regards to sharing our experiences.

  2. Quoting you, Will: "But what astounds me is the certainty which many people seem to have that I and my wife are making the wrong decision. Is it too simple to believe that we could really have found our soul mate, the person that we want to spend our life with, in spite of our differences?"

    Will, it is totally believable to me that you, an SSA man, and your wife have found your soul mate. And it's wonderful. I'm afraid that the "simple" answer, while inspiring to a great many (your decision to live as an "SSA man married married to a straight woman" and succeeding), can drive in those who disagree with your decision to all sorts of angry outbursts, negativity and denials. I've observed that too often people who live a gay lifestyle can't believe there is any other way to live and be true to oneself. They are wrong. There is no "on size fits all" scenario in any situation and that is true in this.

    I'd like to apologize for those who send you negative remarks, or worse, regarding your decision to hold fast to your wife and she to you. I apologize for them, because they are incapable of seeing the need to apologize, or because they have yet to learn, or because you're doing what they can't, or because they are LGBT activists (who allow none to disagree with them).

    How brave and praiseworthy of you and your wife to live true to each other, in spite of it all.


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