Who's driving this thing?

By

Emotions are defined as a conscious mental reaction accompanied by physiological changes.  In my experience, this definition falls short.  I “feel” with my heart or with other parts of my body.  I think with my mind.  While I suppose it is possible that the experience is all nothing more than a series of synaptic responses to stimuli acquired by sensory organs and nerves, to me it is more than that.  It is the essence of being.  It moves me, drives me, urges me.  Emotions are reactions to experiences, whether external or originating from my thoughts.  But my thoughts are separate, their own entity.  But they are tied.  I wonder if one could function properly without the other?  Emotions moving, thoughts interpreting and directing.  Emotions are my motor, my thoughts are the control mechanisms.  When they function together, I am optimally tuned.  When I withdraw into my thoughts, intellectualizing, I leave emotion behind.  I leave behind purpose.  I become nothing more than a collection of facts with no one to care about them.  Conversely, when my mind checks out or when my emotional side bullies it away, I lose control.  I enter a state in which I am liable to do anything.  I lose the understanding of good and bad, right and wrong.  I move without direction.

What brings me from one state to another?  It is as if both are actors in a play, co-principals.  Who is the director?  It is my spirit, my truth, my existence.  Me.  It existed before my thoughts, before my emotions.  It is almost inseparable from them now.  It is the driver.  I am the driver.  I am in control, or can be, if I will have the courage to be.  The courage to feel sad, to feel angry, to feel fear.  To hurt.  To feel joy.  To love.

Comments

  1. Who Me?March 28, 2013 at 10:40 AM

    I like that. It's like there are two portions to our conscious selves. Did you know that you almost perfectly described the differences in the typical roles of the hemispheres in the brain? The left hemisphere primarily deals with though, language, logic, facts, arithmetic, etc. The right hemisphere primarily deals with instinct, emotions, desires, etc. Music, sports, and a host of other activities require good use and coordination of both hemispheres. (This is why extracurricular activities are so valuable.) I love the idea that it is our spirits that are in the drivers seat. I know people who refuse to listen to the Spirit because it often communicates in emotions and they only trust words and facts, but they are ignoring half of their brain. They have learned to distrust the emotional half. The Spirit speaks to our spirit through both hemispheres, and we have to learn to listen.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. UnknownMarch 28, 2013 at 11:42 AM

      Thank you for that reminder about the brain. That helped connect some things for me. :)

      Delete
  2. UnknownMarch 28, 2013 at 11:41 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Gay Marriage

By
I’m writing this in hopes that it will help clear my mind and because I need to do something.  I need to act, more than I have.  I just spent some time sobbing on my bathroom floor as frustration and a mess of other emotions overwhelmed me.  I just listened to Elder Oaks’ talk on where God wants me to stand on the topic of Gay Marriage.  And I believe all that he said.  I truly do.  I have already thought through and lived with the bulk of his statements.  I am a gay man, married to a woman, with children of my own.  I have seen the blessings of being married to a woman and I will affirm the importance of it to anyone who asks with no proof other than what I have experienced in my own life.  But it is still a challenge, sometimes a daily challenge to wade through the complexities of living as a man who is sexually attracted to men instead of women.  At times I feel as if I am single handedly sparing with generations of social stigmas and beliefs about how I should act and what I shou
Read more

Adjusting My Frame of Reference

By
Edited and updated. I've always tried to portray a very positive attitude when writing about my husband being SSA. For the most part that is very accurate. There are hard things too. The longer we are it though the more I realize that all marriages are just as hard.  We all have trials that we go through to make us stronger and ours is no different.  I think as long as a SSA person has learned to have healthy relationships with their same gender and they keep strong in their marriage then it is no different than being in a “normal” marriage which also will always have its issues too. As Will has grown emotionally he has taken more notice of people and their reactions/actions to people around them and now understands them better too.   He has noticed that some guys he is around, really like being around girls. Yes, obviously, but let me explain more.  He and a good straight guy friend, who both enjoy each other’s company, will be talking alone. A gal will walk in and the gu
Read more

#6 On affection, Part 1

By
I originally wrote this early October, 2012.  It's now eight months later.  I feel like I have slowed down and stabilized but that has brought it's own challenges.  More on that later. So the complications of affection and intimacy have been weighing on my mind this week.  I feel that I’m confused about what is right and I am hoping that writing it down will help.  As I’ve talked to Wrylon about some of it, she answers in such a matter of fact way that I am envious of the clarity that has been gifted to her.  However I must admit that I enjoy the complexities and facets of life.  She sees the diamond and that it is beautiful, I look at each cut and facet and how the reflections play off each other, dividing the light and creating rainbows. I'm not sure what I wanted to say but suddenly my thoughts are clouded.  Clarity is replaced with a fog.  I want to push on, to try and to pursue this line of thought, to chase the thought that has just eluded me.  But I can’t.  To do
Read more