Finding Strength of Will

Emotions are defined as a conscious mental reaction accompanied by physiological changes.  In my experience, this definition falls short.  I “feel” with my heart or with other parts of my body.  I think with my mind.  While I suppose it is possible that the experience is all nothing more than a series of synaptic responses to stimuli acquired by sensory organs and nerves, to me it is more than that.  It is the essence of being.  It moves me, drives me, urges me.  Emotions are reactions to experiences, whether external or originating from my thoughts.  But my thoughts are separate, their own entity.  But they are tied.  I wonder if one could function properly without the other?  Emotions moving, thoughts interpreting and directing.  Emotions are my motor, my thoughts are the control mechanisms.  When they function together, I am optimally tuned.  When I withdraw into my thoughts, intellectualizing, I leave emotion behind.  I leave behind purpose.  I become nothing more than a collecti

Voices of Hope http://ldsvoicesofhope.org

Finally updated the site with a new look.  Not bad for my first attempt and tweaking a blogger template, if I do say so myself.  I've wanted to get a new outfit on the blog for a while but other things kept taking priority.  However, the embarrassment of having an unformatted blog has escalated the priority of giving it a face-lift.  It's sort of like inviting people over and realizing the paint on your front door is peeling. Actually it's a lot like that.  You see we've been sharing our blog more frequently to friends and neighbors.  Sort of a scary experience.  Well, really frightening to tell the truth.  I keep wondering how long it will take before I stop feeling a twinge of nervousness and fear when my wife and I bring me out of the closet in a social setting.  Remembering the many men and women I talked to, who feel completely alone in this, keeps me going. So far we've had nothing but encouragement and support and I am so grateful.  It almost feels like a

My wife and I were discussing a comment a friend had received from a family member.  The family member was having difficulty reconciling with the fact the my friend is SSA.  My 11-year-old son was in the room.  I realized he was listening, even though he appeared to be intently reading, so while still talking to my wife, I adjusted my comments more to his frame of reference.  After a few minutes he chimed in and asked: "Is she Christian?  I'd think a Christian would have an easier time understanding." "That doesn't always make a difference," my wife replied. "Sometimes people have a hard time accepting things they don't understand.  I know several people who think they will never be able to go to heaven because of the mistakes they have made," I added.  He looked flabbergasted. "I guess it really comes down to how much you understand the Atonement," I continued, wondering how much I needed to explain. "Yeah," he qu

Today I told a stranger I was gay.  It was just the right time.  It surprised me how easy it was to say, how little I cared if he knew.   “I wondered,” he replied.  “But I thought I was wrong because you were married.  So are you like Josh Weed and Ty Mansfield?” “Why did you think I was gay?”  I asked.  So far most people have been surprised. “I read people pretty well,” he answered.  I should have seen it coming at this point.  Maybe I did. Because I asked, suspiciously, “How do you know about Josh and Ty?” I saw it then.  I knew the look in his eyes.  I knew what he was feeling. We talked for quite some time.  We shared a lot--the same beliefs and religion, the same attractions.  We had similar fears and cares. Ten minutes, then fifteen.  Already we were sharing things more personal than I share with opposite attracted friends, friends I have known for many years. That is my experience with those fighting this fight.  There is a bond of shared exper

Just faced another of the scariest moments of my life.  I wonder if I will ever get used to it?  This morning I came out to a friend I carpool with.  His friendship means a great deal to me and I have wanted to tell him for some time, but have not had the courage.   I used to think that I was a pretty good judge of character, and while I still believe it to be true in general, there are the secret workings of a person’s heart, their true character, that are difficult to see.  There are moments, though, when we truly see a person’s character, moments when guards are down, moments of vulnerability.  When talking to someone you care about, outing yourself is definitely one.   For both of you. “I’ve got to share something with you,” I told him this morning.  “Before I chicken out.  You never know where God is going to take you and he has certainly taken me on a strange path during the past year.” I explained that I had spent the majority of my life trying not to be a certain way and then h

It's been a while since I've posted. Been an extremely busy and trying month but I'll get around to writing some more about it soon. Just filled out a survey for the BSA on my opinions regarding their policy of not allowing gay scouts or leaders. It was really difficult. There is a post coming about that, too. Later. In the mean time, here's some humor from our family. Azalea was talking to our only daughter in the bathroom.  Our daughter had a rough day -- she had to play with little girls all day.  I guess I should clarify that the reason that was rough for her is that it made her feel very deeply the sorrow of not having any sisters... Azalea:  Why did you cry today? Daughter: Because I don’t want to have brothers. Azalea:  Do you mean you don’t want brothers or you wish you had a sister? Daughter:  (Thoughtful) I want a sister. Azalea :  You know your friend Annabelle?  She doesn't have any sisters or brothers! Daughter:  She doesn't have a sister?