Josh Weed started doing weekly check-ins around September 2012 or so.  Again, I was still feeling pretty scared and to even post this was a huge leap of courage.  During the check-in, you tell how you are doing physically, emotionally, and spiritually, and set a goal for the upcoming week.  You are not allowed to say "good".  That's cheating.

Physically:  Pretty ticked off.  The family's going through the second round of chest colds in two weeks.  I really shouldn't complain because it's been about three months since we've been sick, but it still sucks waking up at 3AM  to your 5-year-old hacking up a lung and you're thinking, "didn't we just do this?"  Sort of worn out from that and lack of sleep related to that.  Other than that, feeling pretty good about myself physically.  Been keeping up on my goal to ride my bike to work for a couple of weeks now (helps that the transmission's on the fritz in my car).  Also getting some running and some swimming in.

Emotionally:  Conflicted.  While it's pretty normal for me to feel conflicted, what isn't normal is the extent that I'm feeling conflicted.  On one hand I've been on an emotional high for quite a while now.  Mixed in have been some pretty strong "down" emotions.  I've been working through some self-realization stuff which has been wonderfully freeing but which always leaves you tired and can be rather messy emotionally.  In other regards it's been a roller coaster of a ride learning to accept myself as gay (yes, another club unicorn member here).  My wife's been incredibly supportive and it has brought us so much closer together as we've worked through our fears and denial (like Josh we went into marriage open about it but had gotten pretty good at pretending it didn't exist).  For anyone who hasn't felt how it feels to stop hiding from yourself, it is incredible.  I feel like I'm seeing everything around me for the first time.  BUT... sometimes I just feel worn down and find myself wishing as hard as I can wish that I could just be "normal".  Generally I love who I am...but not always.  Which I can live with.

Spiritually:  Feeling very much like I'm being guided.  God (the universe, etc.) is definitely taking me somewhere.  I don't know where but I'm hanging on for dear life and working on enjoying the ride.  Little bummed, though, because my job seems to have lost some of its luster lately.  Don't know that anything with it has changed, but I think maybe the changes in me have resulted in some me feeling unfulfilled.  

Commitment:  I will be patient and keep an open mind.  And rolling up your sleeves and digging in does wonders for combating feelings of dis-content.  So, it's off to work I go...  What is more manly -- for a man, that is -- than doing what you know you need to do and standing up and fighting for what you know to be right?  
Posted by Lucas Jones On 2/12/2013 09:49:00 PM No comments

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